impatient
i spent about an hour and a half reading this morning. ive been slowly adding reading back into my routine for the past year or so. i dont do it super routinely, and sometimes i go a month or two without doing it much at all. but overall, ive just been trying to read more. any increase is an improvement.
recently, however, ive realized something. i think a big problem that i have with reading, is that i can have so much trouble getting immersed. its been like this since i was a kid. no matter how hard i try, ive realized that while i read i become hyper focused on simply completing the page. and then the chapter. and then the book itself. i cant even help myself. i want so badly to be done with the book, even if im really enjoying it, because i need to experience the after. i want to write my review. i want to tell my friends about it. i want to watch a video essay on it. i want to read the reviews, to see if a stranger on the internet can validate my feelings on it, good or bad.
as this has dawned on me, ive realized that this, unfortunately, does not apply only to books. its everything. even if i enjoy something, sometimes especially if i enjoy something, i just need to see the end of it. i try to stifle these feelings and enjoy the moment, but i really just cant. when im at a concert, i cant wait for it to be over so i can sit down, drink water, and chat with the people who accompanied me about which parts we enjoyed. i eat my food super quickly (even though i enjoy eating) just to be done with it. i dont know. i guess maybe im just impatient? maybe in the case of the books and the concerts, i just need external validation too much? im not sure. either way i had to write down this observation.