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i feel so disappointed in life and everything it has to offer me. i feel like i will never be happy. it seems like life is just an endless cycle of being disappointed over and over. i feel like i was never meant to exist. i feel like i shouldnt have lived past my 19th birthday. i wish it had ended there. i want to die when im young still, i dont want to get old. i cant even do this anymore. im lazy and unmotivated. im in debt. im fucking stupid and everything ive ever been taught or learned isnt in my brain anymore. im useless. i am a burden to everyone around me. i have nothing unique or interesting about myself. i am a husk. i am a shell. i am devoid of purpose or meaning. i am an endless burden that takes and takes and loves taking and i never give in return. i am just an obligation to people. i wish i could disappear without anyone noticing. im so tired of this. i genuinely feel like the end is near for me. i can feel my life tunneling like the light is getting smaller. i dont want to talk to anyone about it. i hate talking to people about it. nobody will ever understand and nobody knows what to say to me. i love them but how could anyone ever understand? i am useless. i genuinely cant believe this is what my life has become. i wish i could redo everything but then what would i change? i am irideemable. i dont know how to spell that word. im going to go read now.